the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
