Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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