how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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