I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
