Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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