my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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