there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
