Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
