It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
