At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When are your genitals available?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
