I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
