Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
