i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
