I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My bed smells like the plague
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
