No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
