i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
