In America we eat man semen.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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