I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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