fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
