When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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