I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
