Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
