I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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