I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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