If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
