So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
