please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
