let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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