All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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