I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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