I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
