Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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