Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
