Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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