I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
