Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
