It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
