I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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