she woke up with a sticky ear
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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