If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
