Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
