Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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