I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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