Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize