if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
