STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
