We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
