Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize