Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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