I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize