Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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