I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
