i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
