The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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