He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
