i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
