I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you had me at cake vodka
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
