apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
