Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
