I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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