He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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