gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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